What makes a good Dom/Domme?

This question. There's actually an answer to this.

Abusive relationships portrayed in the media (you know what movie series I'm talking about) are definitely not an example of what makes a good Dom.

1. We communicate.

Before anything is done you need to talk it out first. It's the reason I love contracts. Just for a scene or signed up assub, contract that shit so that everything lies in the open. If you don't want to talk about something, it means that's something you definitely must talk about. 

Remember: We're responsible for our subs.

2. A Dom doesn't act out in anger.

Let's not be rash and do something you would regret later. That harms the dynamic of the relationship, the sub phically and emotionally, and can break that very important trust you built and make it into an abusive relationship.

We're not there to abuse. We're there to indulge in a healthy, sane, and consensual play. We are NOT there to abuse our lovelies.

If you are angry, take a moment to yourself to steady your mind.

3. We do NOT break the limits.

If we want to do something with a soft limit, we discuss this with our sub at first. We do not just go ham. 

And do not break the hard limits. Sure, you can ask about them. You may know why they are what they are. But we do not, I repeat, do NOT break the hard limits.

Talk about it. Don't fuck it up for everyone involved.

4. What to pay attention to?

Since you're a Dom/Domme, you are completely responsible for your submissive. And I mean completely. 

Do not attempt to be a Dom/Domme if you're not prepared for that responsibility during a scene (and sometimes outside, depending on your relationship type) you're not ready to act as a Dominant.

You make sure of the safety of the scene. The aftercare. The safe words. Sub's winces and moans. 

5. One of my most important rules:

Do NOT play while under the influence. That's my hard rule. Play time is sober time. If they can't consent, they can't play. And neither can you.

The whole point is for it to be CONSENSUAL play and if one or both parties aren't completely sober, the chance of things going terribly wrong skyrockets. Also, if one can't consent it makes play rape. Plain and simple. And not the planned, kinky kind, either. Which brings me to my last point.

6. The rule to adhere to:

The sub has the power of the safe word.

Weather it's slow down or yellow or complete stop or red. We. Listen. 

We do not, I repeat, do NOT ignore a safe word. Ever. Even if the sub is being a brat.

We check in for slow down (besides checking in throughout the play session) always.

And we STOP. Completely for complete stop/red. Play is finished. We are done. Make sure your sub is ok. 

If they need to be untied or unshackled or anything else, do it. Communicate like crazy. As if you're talking to a deaf and blind person. 

You check in like your submissive's life depends on it because it does. 

And provide all the aftercare in the world after. Trust me, you both will need it.

Morale of the story?

Don't be a dick to your sub. They gave you the gift of complete submission. They trust you. Treasure that.